Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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