so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
