She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
