Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
