So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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