then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
