last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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