after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
