very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
where am i from again
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
