you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
