I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
