He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
