u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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