Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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