Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
