yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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