OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize