i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
