i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
