You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
