It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
