At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
