I wish my penis had an off switch
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
