i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
