i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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