Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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