idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
