last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
