and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
pray to the hookup gods
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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