On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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