she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
