i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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