Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
