his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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