I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
