It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize