i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
