That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
