the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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