Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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