Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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