my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
please don't ironically join a cult
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