stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
