The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
