cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
