I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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