I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
