Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
