Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Shame - the story of my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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