just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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