Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
