Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
