Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
