Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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