My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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