When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
