You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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