well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
