She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
