His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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