Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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