She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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