I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
