I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
