I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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