I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
