You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
