I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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