Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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