you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
