I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
