Grow some girl-balls and come out already
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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