Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
