i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
