This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
