We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
