You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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