I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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