i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
